Having Children Changed Your Relationship? 5 Reasons Couples Grow Apart

Having children can either make your relationship stronger or can make you distant from your partner because you can’t give the same time your relationship as you used to give earlier. Parenthood is not easy, you have so many things to attend to because, in the growing stage, the children are completely dependent on parents, especially a mother. Hence, you need to be available for your child 24/7 when is an infant and even after.

Does Parenthood Mean The Love Has Disappeared From Your Relationship As A Couple?

Life changes completely when you become parents. And being a new parent, you need to understand that this transition is not easy and it takes to time to manage multiple things at the same time. However, it is a phase where your partner is dealing with

• Hormonal changes
• You face sleep deprivation
• And setting new routines for the kid and themselves.
• Trying to be there for everyone and not for yourself

Hence, it is a sensitive time when the other partner needs to understand the importance of giving emotional support and time so that your partner does not feel guilty about being unavailable for you.

Tips To Rebuild Your Relationship With Your Partner After Becoming a Parent

Here is a quick table that can help you rebuild your relationship as a couple after you enter a new phase of parenthood:

ALSO READ: Is A Second Chance Possible? How To Rebuild A Marriage When You Are At The Breaking Point

From Partners To Parents: Navigating The 5 Biggest Relationship Challenges After Children

Becoming parents being a share of responsibilities that we tend to forget and understand. Apart from responsibility, you need to give most of your time to your children and keep other things secondary at least for the first few years. Here are some of the reasons that you can explore why your relationship with your partner does not feel the same like before:

Parenting Duties Come First:

Before you had kids, you could easily go for unplanned dates, dinner and attend late-night events. But after becoming a parent, you now need to plan even the simple outings together. This is because you need to first check if your baby is in good health to travel long distances or not. Apart from this you need to first sort your child’s

• Feeding time
• Check the schedule of the schools if your kid is a grown up
• Complete other household chores

Hence, with embracing parenthood, you tend to feel that the relationship with your partner is more focused on managing the duties towards your kids and the lack of romantic connection makes you interact less with each other.

• What you can do: Instead of thinking negatively about it, start taking small steps to rebuild your relationship after kids:
• Give at least 15-20 mins to your partner when your child is busy taking naps
• Have a cup of coffee or tea together.
• Go on small walks together if you have someone else to take care of your child in your absence.

Hence, these small gestures of reconnecting with your partner can rebuild the relationship give after busy parenting years.

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Doing Everything All Alone:

When you become parents, you think that the duties of a partner are limited to the tasks that are visible to you. But it is not like that, there are so many things that you simply can’t see. Bringing up a child is not easy you need to plan their feeding time, sleep cycles and once your child grows, you need to help them in completing the school homework.

As a couple, you need to help your partner with things like scheduling appointments with doctors and other simple tasks that you can do so that the entire burden is shared and does not fall on one person. Hence, it makes your partner feel that you are there to help an bringing up a child becomes easy together.

• What You Can Do: To avoid differences between you and your partner, you can have easy conversations and make them feel that you are there with them always
• Divide responsibilities equally
• Acknowledge the efforts your partner is making every day.

Image (Pexels)

ALSO READ: Before A Breakup Happens 5 Small Changes Couples Often Ignore

Lack Emotional And Physical Intimacy

Becoming parents keeps you busy with your kids so much that you tend to forget that you have a personal life. Apart from this, you get so exhausted by the end of the day that you can’t make time for your partner and feel that you both are emotionally unavailable for each other. But you need to understand that the responsibilities of your kids are keeping you occupied the entire day.

• What You Can Do: The couple needs to do open communication on sensitive issues and rebuild the emotional and physical connection again.
• Start doing small gestures of affection for each other to make one feel special
• Don’t make your partner feel guilty and give them time to recover

Image (Pexels) 

Conversational Shift

Every parent will agree that their conversations have shifted to activities related to the kids and most of the time they are busy discussing what they can do for their children to give them a better life. Though these conversations are necessary but as a couple you need to understand that you need to give each other time, where you are trying to understand each other and want to know how they spend their day. It is simple to understand that between busy parenting days we tend to forget that your partner too has so many things to share and you need to make an effort to hear them.

• What you can do: Start shifting the conversations towards each other and talk beyond parenting when you both are alone.
• Try to know how their day was today
• Share your feelings and thoughts with them
• Let them know what’s troubling you.

Image (Pexels)

Individual Identities are Lost:

As first-time parents, you have so many things to worry about that your personal life becomes secondary. Your life is all about your kids and family that makes your personal goals and achievements feel small. Hence, with time you start losing your personal identity and your ambition suffers a big toll. This new shift affects your relationship with your partner as well and you think you are overdoing things without having your own identity. Hence, the emotional exhaustion and lack of personal time may affect your relationship and your partner may interpret to be lack of commitment towards each other.

• What you can do: It is a good idea to encourage your partner.
• Support each other's independence by dividing the time with the kids.

Ways to Rekindle Your Relationship After Having Children

Here are some easy ways that can help you rekindle your relationship after having children:

• Start acknowledging your partner's efforts in adapting to the new transition and support them in this journey
• As a couple, you should be open to having easy conversations with your partner about everything and let them know what is hurting you.
• Have open discussions about what you are missing in their absence as a partner while the other is busy performing duties as a parent.
• Don’t let small disagreements spoil your relationship and better give your partner the time they need.

FAQs

Is it normal for relationships to change after having kids?

The changes in relationship seen definitely seen after having children but that does not mean that your partner does not love you.

How can we improve communication when we're both exhausted?

It is a good idea to look for ways as to how you can spend time with each other. The moment your child is taking a nap, ensure you spend time with your partner. A communication of 15- 20 minutes can work to rebuild that emotional intimacy.

What are common reasons couples grow apart after having children?

As parents to a child you need to understand that your life is in transition phase where you won’t be able to give time to your relationship for sometime and that is okay because you are in a learning phase.